History bloopers

[Quintus Pomponius Atticus]

Salvete,

I extracted the introduction and the fragments about ancient history from a funnywebsite.

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot....

Without the Greeks we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns‹Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intollerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.

Eventually the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlics in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Valete (et ridete),

Q. Pomponius Atticus

[Tiberius Dionysius Draco]

[Aldus Marius]

"Yeah, I'm a Roman...I'm just a-Roman' all over the place!"

(As you can see, we're still at it!) >({|;-p

Hilariter,

[Gnaeus Dionysius Draco]

Heh, I've seen this pile before, I think it continues up until modern history. Some of them are really hilarious, but also a bit frightening.

Valete!
Draco

[Anonymous]

Hey! Less hilarity please!

Some of us take throwing the biscuit very seriously!