Amazons & Gladiators

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Amazons & Gladiators

Postby Gnaeus Dionysius Draco on Wed Jul 16, 2003 2:45 pm


At the Roman Movie Night at the casa Dionysia (attended by the three fratres Dionysii, Mus and Lupus), we watched Amazons and Gladiators. Romulus had told us it was a bad movie, and we wanted to see it for a good laugh.

We sure did laugh! It's probably one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

It features one Crassius (note the i) in the east of the empire, who had slain Spartacus, and was now sent away there by Caesar. Immediately visible were the plastic costumes and helmets, and the poorly done villages. This Crassius resides in the fictional Province of Pannè, in 60 CE (of course he was already dead for a century by then but no one cares).

The names of the characters are horrible. Not even an attempt is made to make them sound Latin or Greek. There is Serena, Gwyneth, Marc (not Marcus) etc etc. And there is the Battle of Greyhaven! In the Far East! The only other dude with a Roman name is one Lucius, but he looks like a Hebrew shepered with blonde hair. The Roman town had cardboard doors and modern brick walls.

A part from the acting which was embarrassingly bad, it also featured, as money, the hilarious current DINARS (instead of denarii or sestertii). The "fighting arena" was laughably small and the crowd had suspiciously 20th century haircuts. And worst of all, the "leader" of the Amazones was... Queen Zenobia of Palmyra! In 60 CE!

Well... what can I say. They've truly outdone themselves.

Definitely worth a watch in company. You'll scream with laughter or terror. And possibly both at the same time.

Gn. Dionysius Draco Invictus
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